How To Watch Football with A Guy

So I'm at home this weekend for a much-needed family weekend. Unfortunately, Tucker and Chase came to blows last night and then again this morning, and I almost abandoned my family weekend to retreat back to the safety of my new home. I think I would have left if Dad hadn't convinced me to stay and watch the University of Florida vs. South Carolina Gamecocks showdown. Which brings me to the topic of today's post. How to watch football with a guy.

I'll let you in on a few secrets about my dad. First of all, he is a UF alum. Second of all, he prefers television shows "that have a scoreboard." When I was a kid, the power went out one night and dad and I passed the time by asking each other Trivial Pursuit questions. In the sports category, he missed 2 out of 500. Yeah. That's my dad. He likes sports.

So here is my advice for watching football (or sports in general) with a guy.

1. Be prepared for loud outbursts. If you are someone who is easily startled (like me), prepare yourself for frequent and very loud spurts of yelling. These can come whether the play is positive or negative, so just because your team is ahead doesn't mean that they are going to stop yelling.

2. Bring snacks. Guys are generally big on game-day munchies. Dad likes chips and dip, popcorn, or veggies and ranch. If you don't like yelling, providing snacks gives the guy something to shove in his mouth instead of yelling. It's an upside.

3. Do a little bit of research if you're clueless in terms of sports. I didn't attend a live football game until freshman year of college but I did spend quite a bit of time watching sports with dad growing up. We were regular Braves game attendees, and I've attended some mean hockey games in Atlanta as well. If you plan on watching a football game with a guy, brush up on facts. Here are a few things you need to know: (Thanks to Football for Dummies at www.dummies.com for the easy to understand tips!)

Down: A period of action that starts when the ball is put into play and ends when the ball is ruled dead (meaning the play is completed). The offense gets four downs to advance the ball 10 yards. If it fails to do so, it must surrender the ball to the opponent, usually by punting on the fourth down.

Drive: The series of plays when the offense has the football, until it punts or scores and the other team gets possession of the ball.


End zone: A 10-yard-long area at each end of the field. You score a touchdown when you enter the end zone in control of the football. If you're tackled in your own end zone while in possession of the football, the other team gets a safety.

Extra point: A kick, worth one point, that's typically attempted after every touchdown (it's also known as the point after touchdown, or PAT). The ball is placed on either the 2-yard line (in the NFL) or the 3-yard line (in college and high school) and is generally kicked from inside the 10-yard line after being snapped to the holder. It must sail between the uprights and above the crossbar of the goalpost to be considered good.


Field goal: A kick, worth three points, that can be attempted from anywhere on the field but is usually attempted within 40 yards of the goalpost. Like an extra point, a kick must sail above the crossbar and between the uprights of the goalpost to be ruled good.

Fumble: The act of losing possession of the ball while running with it or being tackled. Members of the offense and defense can recover a fumble. If the defense recovers the fumble, the fumble is called a turnover.


Incompletion: A forward pass that falls to the ground because no receiver could catch it, or a pass that a receiver dropped or caught out of bounds.

Interception: A pass that's caught by a defensive player, ending the offense's possession of the ball.

Kickoff: A free kick (meaning the receiving team can't make an attempt to block it) that puts the ball into play. A kickoff is used at the start of the first and third quarters and after every touchdown and successful field goal.

Touchdown: A score, worth six points, that occurs when a player in possession of the ball crosses the plane of the opponent's goal line, when a player catches the ball while in the opponent's end zone, or when a defensive player recovers a loose ball in the opponent's end zone.

False start: When an interior lineman on the offensive team moves prior to the snap of the ball, or when any offensive player makes a quick, abrupt movement prior to the snap of the ball. This is a 5-yard penalty.


Holding (defensive): When a defensive player tackles or holds an offensive player other than the ball carrier. The penalty is 5 yards and an automatic first down.

Holding (offensive): When an offensive player uses his hands, arms, or other parts of his body to prevent a defensive player from tackling the ball carrier. The penalty is 10 yards.

Offside: When any part of a player’s body is beyond the line of scrimmage or free kick line when the ball is put into play. Offside is a 5-yard penalty.

Pass interference: A judgment call made by an official who sees a defensive player make contact with the intended receiver before the ball arrives, thus restricting his opportunity to catch the forward pass. In the NFL, this penalty awards the offensive team the ball at the spot of the foul with an automatic first down. In college, pass interference is a 15-yard penalty and an automatic first down.

Personal foul: An illegal, flagrant foul considered risky to the health of another player. A personal foul is a 15-yard penalty.

Roughing the kicker: When a defensive player makes any contact with the punter, provided the defensive player hasn’t touched the kicked ball before contact. This is a 15-yard penalty and an automatic first down.

Roughing the passer: When a defensive player makes direct contact with the quarterback after the quarterback has released the ball. This is a 15-yard penalty and an automatic first down.

4. Before the game starts, ask him to explain anything you're confused about. If it is during the game, do not ask, especially during the play. If it is a commercial, ask, but don't interrupt the game. They will just ignore you, and you'll still be confused. Or, if all else fails, listen to the key words the announcers are using and Google it with your smart phone. Discreet and informational.


5. If your guy has a favorite team, a good Christmas or birthday present might be tickets to a game being played by his favorite team.